midnight snack

yesterday was sunday. i love taking naps on sunday afternoon. they're usually way too long, and way too wonderful. i had been at church from about noon till 4 and then i slept until 7. i hadn't had much time for breakfast that morning, so i had strawberries and almonds on the go. i slept through lunch and dinner. when i woke up i ate 2 pieces of leftover pizza that i had in my fridge. by the time i went to bed i realized i hadn't really put enough food in my body throughout the day, but as groceries were running low, i had to ration out what i had left until i have time to go to the grocery store on tuesday. 

so i decided just to go to bed, sleep off the hunger and indulge in the usual oatmeal with soymilk at 7 am. 

i went to sleep.

the next thing i knew, i was jolted awake from my slumbers, not knowing why. it was still dark. surely i couldn't be done with my night's sleep. i looked around, saw that it was 2:30 in the morning. i put my head back down and started remembering my dream... 

i had been cooking. something to do with cream of chicken soup and rice (two of my only remaining food items in the house). then it hit me. i was so hungry! 

i had this intense feeling come over me, like i had to get food in me stat. but the kitchen... it was just too far... luckily, i still had some of "dad's oatmeal cookies" from canada in a drawer by my desk. i got out of bed and ate as many as i could in a very short time. i put them away, took a drink or water, and then realized that i was not yet satiated. i pulled them out again, ate about 6 more (totalling about 17 of these delicious little things) and got back in bed, satisfied. 

it seemed so normal at the time, but when i awoke at 7 am, i just couldn't believe all the crumbs in my bed and all over my nightstand. i was so humiliated. i had behaved like an animal. i laughed. a lot. it was such a strange experience. i've never felt so determined, shoving cookie after cookie down my throat, trying to ease my hungry tummy. 

may i never do that to myself again. it was horrible.